All in My Issues

Which Imagined Self Am I Buying for Today?

The problem is I fall into the trap time and again - as many of us do I think - of believing that having something or wearing something can magically transform me into the type of person that has that thing or wears that thing.  The advertised “perfect woman”. Everyone’s perfect “I” is different, or in fact you may have many. I lurch from wanting to be “Californian, vegan, yogi woman”, “French, fashion-blogger, digital-guru woman”, “Bisexual, spoken-word artist and Dalston dweller woman” and “Cornwall-living, mother of beautiful, perfect children and photographer woman.” Those are the main ones… there’s thousands of others that happen less frequently.

What the Paralympics Can Teach Us All About Limitations

I dislike the rhetoric of pity that some people use when talking of Paralympians, like I dislike it when people speak of those with special needs. Sometimes this can be even more damaging than cruelty and discrimination and foul language. Ignorant people who talk of cripples and spastics can be dismissed, but pity can put often kindly meant limitations in the path of those who are even slightly different. 

Moments of Joy: Love Always Wins & All The Books

Joy is hard to find in a week which began with a convicted rapist getting a three-month sentence and ended with tragedy... and that's without everything terrible in-between. It is in moments like this that I turn to books. We should all turn to books, to educate ourselves on experiences we haven't had, to comfort us, to increase our belief in love and the beauty of life.

Moments of Joy: Stupid Things and Becoming Stronger

I sat down in a cafe last week and wrote a list of things about myself that I'm confident of and others I still need help with - just for me -  and I'm proud that I can now write things in the former category. And I did some stupid things in the last fortnight too, but I didn't hate myself as much for them, because we are all human and we can't be fucking perfect all the time. One step at a time and realising that is SUCH A JOY. Here are my others for the last fortnight (oops)...

Nurturing Curiosity

This is why the Curious in the title of my blog. It is my feeling that our curiosities can save us, earth us, elevate us and are such a very integral part of what makes us human. Children are naturally curious and delighted with everything they discover and we should not discourage this, but mimic them. Whoever said "Curiosity Killed the Cat" is a fool. In good times and bad it is one of the greatest joys to follow your intrigues, whatever they may be.

I'm afraid that I am actually a shit writer who will never write anything of substance or that anyone reads

I'm afraid that I'll always be someone who said they were going to do something great, but never got off their fucking arse and did it

I'm scared that I will never let myself be in love or near it or close to it and I'll end up alone, with no one, pasting a smiley face on it

I'm scared that sometimes I use things like alcohol or buying stuff to quieten down my neurosis and my spinning mind.

Afraid that really I'm quite selfish and self obsessed

Have you ever had one of those days that pricks you, pinches you, pokes you around; life's not slapping you in the face, it's just cruelly teasing you like a small child would another, pushing your boundaries until you feel like crumbling up into the foetus position and weeping with the fatigue of it. I just had one of those days/24 hours and I hated it. I hated it mostly because my usual mantra is to rise above the angst and the first world problems and the stupid day-to-day shit. I like to play the part of positive and enthused even when I don't feel that even a little bit.

People who are mentally ill or mentally disabled (very different things too obviously, I'm aware), who have the conditions that the words are referring to are not being stupid or overreacting or behaving in an unnecessary way like the slang insinuates. It is not a choice, nor does it make them any less than anyone else. I know that the world still struggles to understand mental health, learning difficulties and those that are not "normal" but I believe we really we need to lead by example and change this way of speaking as we have done for racist, sexist or homophobic vocabulary. It is important.